This has been brewing for quite some time. I've been so tempted to blog about one of my coworkers for the longest time, and after much thought and consideration I've decided to go for it...ready??
Have you ever seen Penelope on SNL?
Meet My Penelope.
She's the ultimate one-upper.
If you broke your leg, she's broken both of hers, at the same time, oh, wait, she actually had to do the operation to fix each of them because no surgeon was skilled or gifted enough to fix the amazing damage...oh, wait, did you know that in a mere 3 weeks she was walking and qualified to run the Boston Marathon?
Her kids are perfect, her husband is amazing, yet can't take care of himself, so he is completely dependent on her. She's given up coffee and soda because she's tired of being over caffinated and living an impure life. When I talked about cutting my hair again and the silly way I feel about wanting to redefine my image, she snottily asked me if I was going to change my name too - um, biatch! Thankfully, I was quick enough that morning to say "yes, just call me Sasha Fierce" (for all you Beyonce fans!)
Get my drift? She's perfect, untouchable and can't be beat, and she wont shut up about it.
For the longest time, I didn't really care much about it, but a few weeks ago she totally got under my skin and she's still there! Seriously, she's turned into a bad case of the hives.
I'm not alone in my irritation, she's managed to upset just about everyone in my office, except for of course, the bosses, because hey, she's perfect!
Going way, way back in my intellectual archives, I remembered reading about Emotional Vampires as part of a communication / psychology course I took. It sounds silly, but really it was so interesting - these are the people who suck the energy, emotion and life out of you in the most manipulative ways. I was talking to my friend Fifi (let's protect the innocent!) about this at work today while we were grumbling over Penelope's latest and greatest, and so we decided to Google away to help us diagnose our crazy coworker. Poor Fifi has really taken the wrath of Penelope this past year - they sit right next to each other and at one point, Penelope declared Fifi to be her BFF in front of a large group of people - such the awkward moment! And as you will see from reading, the BFF often times is the biggest enemy and threat to the vampire!
We came across the best website from that very author I read about in college. It's entertaining if nothing else, and there are some of best definitions for these crazy people who drive you nuts...the Emotional Vampires we can't get away from ~ check out this website: www.albernstein.com/id28.htm
You can see a variety of the vampires and you'll want to check out the list of questions to help define each type.
So, after careful diagnosis we have decided that our Penelope is a cross between a Narcissistic Vampire and a Histrionic Vampire.
For some strange reason, we seemed oddly comforted with our research, I think we felt justified in our frustration. We laughed and then thought, should we really be crying?
Sorry for the rant, but maybe you'll find it slightly amusing and slightly therapeutic. I'm sure we all know one, hopefully we aren't one, and if you do happen to diagnose one in your life...be sure to protect yourself!
3 comments:
This blog post is completely amusing! I love it! I am not taking delight in your misery, of course, but rather I am taking delight in the fact that you and Fifi diagnosed Penelope. She must be so freakin' annoying! If nothing else, now that she is diagnosed, maybe you can just sit back and watch whatever entertainment that her antics can bring!
It is interesting that Fifi is her bff, because have you ever heard the saying, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Fifi is a threat-- you are right!
Oh, I gasped when I read that she asked if you plan to change your name! WTH???
HILARIOUS!!! You just made my day, Sasha! :) Seriously, there are people out there that do indeed suck the life out of you! Believe me, I used to know a few of them years ago! Then I realized that there was absolutely no point in having a relationship with someone where you walked away from them and felt bad about yourself! Maybe that was my own shortfall to let such people affect me like that but I like to surround myself with people that make me feel good! It reminds me of those people that nonstop talk and could care less what you have to say. They completely dominate the conversation as if anything you possibly had to say was not nearly as important as what they had to say! Aargh!
I love the fact that you and Fifi did a little research and gave your patient a fitting diagnosis! I would feel comforted by that too! A diagnosis is always good!:)
I will have to check out that website. Maybe I can diagnose someone...or myself!
You are killing me!!! This is so funny! The code names are going to keep me laughing for days. Thanks for letting us in to your office drama!
I hope when I go on that website that I don't have to self diagnose :)!
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